Just a letter.

Dear Nikki,

It’s been a while since we had that talk, I have always been an ardent believer of not speaking , not writing , not communicating , words destroy , as I have always said, but that does not mean, that we should leave things in a bad state and so I write to you , I am particularly not good at writing letters , if you have read what I write , it is always pretentious and when writing letters , a person has to keep himself in check , because it goes out to someone who knows you too well and then all that you write is just out there , on the record , forever.

I assure you in this letter, I will try not to be pretentious and not to exaggerate, please treat what I say below as it is.

I remember the day that you asked me what a relationship is and I told you, it’s a journey from one disappointment to another, this is what people do, they disappoint, but what I did not tell you was the other part, relationships are also about a zeal to make it work and not get cocky by the bumpy roads it takes you on (albeit successful once, you have a relationship with your enemies also ( it`s just that we call it animosity), but we are not talking about that now, are we). See again, I assure you again, I won’t do that now.

So the one complain you have always had with me is , that I never told you that I love you , and when I did so , it was too little too late, here is what I have to say about this and I will leave it then to your better judgment. I have always been in love , every woman I have met in my life , I have loved them , for a minute or a lifetime , but I never told any of them this , now this does not necessarily means that they have loved me back, and heck I never needed them to , because I have never been that available , to accommodate someone in your life and make them a part of yours takes too much self-destruction , this is what I told you time and again ,but I guess I shouldn’t be telling women about that, now I love your smile ,  and just knowing there is a person like you , made me believe in god , and I thanked him for making you , but when you told me that you were in love with me , I lost that belief and I cursed him , cause that’s the worst thing he could have done to you , make you fall in love with a person like me , I was terrified that day , when someone looks into your eyes and tells you that they love you , it changes you , and I changed that day , I felt terrified to my core of the fear that I will turn you into someone like me , well I digress, coming back to how you were mad at me that I never confessed my love to you, it was because we are not the same people , you wanted attention from me and that I could never give you , I kept thinking of all the times when you will want to just have a good laugh and I won’t be there to make you smile.

I may have not said that I love you, but I never said I don’t , remember that , I never lied , I had been economical with the truth but I never lied, its basic , its fundamental, shows a man`s character. 
We all have demons in us, most people make peace with them, these are the people you will see every day, going in buses, trains, their eyes dead, their faces blank, they laugh ugly and when they do its just mediocre, a complete generation going berserk for the new model of some mobile phone, a new car model, a two bedroom flat in a city where they don’t know two people, and they kept asking me why I don’t smile, I could tell them the reasons, but they won’t understand, but you do and that’s how I know we have the same demons inside us. I live the same life but I could never imagine about joining the fraternity. Our virtues , our vices , our demons are all different from them and I know I sound pretentious and I exaggerate now , but for a 2 page letter, please let me be. 

So the day I knew that truth about you, I knew that I was in love with you and I said so, it was late, accepted, but it was genuine, and so I retract, we are the same people and we can be happy together. So if the offer is still open, I will come by your place tonight and if you want, we can go out for a quite walk. You never know , maybe miracles do happen..

yours truly